This tale began one sunny, weekday afternoon during one of my quick round robin drives from my office to do all the chores – the bank, post letters, food for dinner and in this case a trip down to the dreaded PC World at Staples Corner to reluctantly buy printer paper and bits (I dislike PC World immensely!).

On the way up the Edgware Road I remembered that I needed some postage stamps and rather than spend half an hour queuing in the Post Office I decided to pop into Sainsbury's and buy them there. Much easier.

I drove into the vast, virtually empty car park and pulled into the first space by the road which, incidentally happened to be a Mother & Baby space.

I didn't see this as naughty as the place was virtually empty; there we only 2 or 3 other cars between me and the shop entrance (i.e. with about 60 empty such spaces) and I was only going to be a few minutes anyway.

So, in I popped, bought my stamps, out I popped, strolled up to my car and to my horror there was, stuffed under the windscreen wiper, a Parking Ticket! I whipped it off, failed to read it as I didn't have my glasses with me, and it was mice-type anyway, and glared around the near empty car park looking for the culprit.

No, not me – the Parking Warden.

He (or she?) must have been a cross between Linford Christie and either a member of the SAS or The Invisible Man to achieve such a feat so quickly.

Totally pee'd off, I threw the damn thing in the car, jumped in and drove off, probably quite aggressively. When I got home, now rather grumpy, I decided to pay the offending ticket immediately to get it out of my hair as I was aware that such a parking thing was now in place at Sainsbury's, knew that I was in a Mother & Baby spot (even though I doubt there were any in the store at all by the look of the car park – mothers and babies that is) and didn't want the £30 to become £60 through being bloody-minded, even though I thought it outrageous.

And that was it, end of story, out of mind…or so I thought…

When I later told my wife of this infuriating little story, she suggested that I was mad to pay it and that there was a controversy brewing about the legitimacy of Parking Tickets of private land.

So, with the help of good old Google, I soon discovered that she was absolutely correct, that I certainly shouldn't have paid the ticket and the company concerned (not Sainsbury's, their cohorts in crime) have no authority to enforce it.

I went on the attack, quickly got into the Sainsbury's website, found the Customer Services area and sent them a loudly worded complaint demanding the immediate return of my £30.

I pointed out that I had been a customer of Sainsbury's for 30 odd years, visited them 2 or 3 times every week, probably spent in excess of £3000 a year (which they could check through my Nectar card!) with them and will gladly shop somewhere else if they didn't return my money within a week.

So there!

About 3 days later I received a lengthy email from a Ms Robinson of Customer Services giving me a right old lecture, firstly about how terrible it was that I parked in this allocated spot and that it was irrelevant that the car park was empty as they could easily have been invaded by a squadron of 4x4s at any time containing mums with kids.

Secondly, I got a rollicking for calling them Mother & Baby spaces, when it should have been, of course, silly me, Parent & Toddler spaces. Sheesh!

However, having said all that, she condescendingly agreed (her email reeked of condescending) to return my £30 as Nectar points which would be on my account that day – and told me to 'not do it again'.

I replied to her, thanking her for her quick response, thanked her for my £30 which I would redeem that very day, told her she was a sad old hag who needed a few sharp lessons in how to communicate with loyal customers and told her that I would never shop at Sainsbury's again (naturally I would, but that wasn't for her to know!) and copied the email to the MD of Sainsbury's at Head Office in London.

However, although I got this out of my system at this woman's expense, I thought that this was still a pretty irritating episode and intrigue got the better of me, so I decided to investigate further and this is what I discovered.

PRIVATE PARKING

When you receive a Parking Ticket on a public road, issued on behalf of a local council then you have actually broken the law (The Road Traffic Act) and the ticket is in fact a fine and, assuming that you really were in the wrong, you should pay it straight away.

However, when you receive a Parking Ticket in a private car park (i.e. a supermarket) it's a completely different kettle of fish. To begin with you haven't actually broken a law, as such, and therefore they cannot issue you with a fine – this is a Parking Charge and is technically unenforceable.

What in fact has happened is that when you drive into a private car park you technically enter into a 'contract' with the company that owns it and this means that IF you infringe their rules you are in Breach of Contract with them, hence they have issued you with a Parking Charge (or rather the Parking Management company, working on their behalf has) and this is where it becomes very flaky for them.

If you are found in Breach of Contract, the traditional, and legally accepted, amount of recompense is always considered to be the amount of money that that company has lost because of you!

So if you are in a free car park (i.e. Sainsbury's) and the car park is half empty, then the amount of recompense is nil, and if you are in a Pay Machine car park that is £1 per hour, and you've overstayed your welcome by 30 minutes – the amount of acceptable recompense is about 50p and certainly not a £30 Parking Ticket.

SO WHAT DO I DO?

OK, there are always 2 sides to every story so the first thing to take on board is "am I really in the right here?" and I am assuming that you are (ish).

If you have parked in a true private car park (i.e. an office or a residency) then you are certainly in the wrong (sorry) and although the owners of the car park are still technically on flaky ground they are without doubt morally right.

You certainly wouldn't like someone perching their car on your driveway all day while they nip into town – and equally neither do supermarkets when people use their car parks for the same non-shopping reasons.

Also, it goes without saying that if you park wrongly on a designated disabled bay in a supermarket or shopping mall car park you'll get no sympathy from me.

However, if like me you get slapped with a pointless ticket in a supermarket, mall or railway station car park, somewhere on private land where you CAN legitimately park either for free or for a small fee, then this may well be your course of action.

1. Check who has issued the ticket.

If it's an official, public body (i.e. the police or a local council) and you were in the wrong then I suggest that you pay it, but if it's from a private company then that's another issue completely – and don't pay it! Once a ticket has been paid it's VERY difficult to get the money back.

2. Who would have to pay the ticket anyway?

Official Parking Tickets are the responsibility of the vehicle owner but the story with Private parking tickets is different, and it is the driver who is allegedly responsible.

3. Take photographs.

If the car park is reasonably empty and you have a camera or mobile phone with a camera (and unlike me, know how to use it) then take a few shots of the surrounding empty spaces with your vehicle included.

Take any photographs of poor signage, lack of marking, parking meters etc. This MAY be important later just in case it's taken further and they need to claim that you have taken up a valuable parking space which could have been used by another customer.

4. Do NOT pay the Ticket.

Certainly don't throw it away – it has important information on it that you may need as evidence – but wait until you receive an invoice from the Parking Company – this is very important.

5. What do I do then?

Write to the Parking Company and firstly ask them to forward to you proof as to who was allegedly driving the vehicle as they cannot bring legal action against a car nor (unlike a Road Traffic Act offence) can they hold the car owner responsible. Unless the car park has at least 20 CCTV cameras scattered around everywhere they won't be able to oblige!

Don't admit responsibility – but don't lie (if by chance they DO have a photograph of you getting into your, you could then be in deepish water, but you should know that if you weren't driving you are NOT liable and you do not have to tell them who was driving!

Don't say that you are appealing (I don't mean attractive) but that you are simply refusing to pay!

6. Ask for proof.

Ask them to supply you with proof that your vehicle was parked where they say it was – and proof of how long it was allegedly there.

7. Tell them that the Parking Ticket is not enforceable and if they consider that you have committed a 'Breach of Contract' then ask them to tell you where in the car park this specific information was 'clearly marked'.

And that's it.

Sometimes, if you don't pay, they won't even send you an invoice – and even then, after responding with this letter 9 out of 10 such tickets will simply disappear.

Some Traffic companies will continue to try it on a little by threatening legal action; bailiffs etc but will eventually go away.

If they DO send you a letter such as this – reply to them again with a copy of the original letter you sent them adding: "please be aware I consider your continuous correspondence to be harassment and I will report you to the police, my solicitor, the British Parking Association, the Security Industry Authority, Trading Standards and Sainsbury's (or whoever that may be) Please do not contact me again".

Possibly 1 in a 100 may persevere but remember that they issue thousands of tickets every month and taking legal action against you (just for 30 quid) is hardly worth it, particularly as when you eventually get to Court they have a very weak case.

Once in a blue moon some belligerent thug in one of these companies decides to take someone all the way to Court (for 30 quid!) and win the case – but like all bullies they only choose easy options and if they know you're more belligerent than them, they'll stop and probably pick on someone else, unfortunately.

CLAMPING AND TOWING AWAY

Ahh. Now all the rules above apply – but we are of course in different territory and your car is either immobile or not there, and there are only 2 ways that you can get out of this mess…and neither are easy.

If you have been towed away then, unless you want a massive fight OR think that your car isn't worth it (keep it you ****ards!) then you have to pay and by golly that can be up to, and even over, £500.

However, if you do pay then make sure that you write, in big clear letters on all the documentation, (theirs and yours) 'Paid under Protest!'

This way, if you do want to take this further and appeal, or take legal action, then you have made it clear that you did not agree to their terms.

If you have been privately clamped, all the same applies as for tickets, but there is another option which is more about being bloody minded.

You CAN call a friendly local garage and ask them to come out and tow your car away, remove the wheel and, in doing so remove the wheel clamp – and naturally this would cost a fair bit (although I do know of one garage that actually advertises this service at a reasonable rate) but it still can easily be cheaper than paying the Parking Company to come out and take it off.

This does raise two rather important issues – the first being that a clamped vehicle is often accompanied by a couple of large ex-boxers so it could entail a little intimidation and confrontation, not just for you but also for the garage, and secondly, whatever you do – don't damage the clamp or you will have committed a crime!

You can then take the clamp home, store it in your garage, call them and tell them to come and get it – and I believe even charge them rent as they do to you when they tow your car away.

But I wouldn't want these thugs on my doorstep, would you?

The whole issue of private parking tickets, clamping and towing away is now quite disgraceful except when you deserve it, as mentioned previously, as it's totally unregulated and basically they can charge whatever they like and virtually do what they like.

The analogy of these crimes is quite simple.

If you found a person lurking about your property, such as a burglar and you tied that person up with rope, then locked him in the garage waiting for help - it would be YOU that the local constabulary would take away and you'd probably be arrested for kidnap and unlawful imprisonment.

What these charmers are doing is exactly the same – it's vehicular kidnap and vehicular imprisonment and it's about time someone tested this in the Courts, and by all accounts they would win.

However – it would take someone braver and wealthier than me.

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NOTE: The information in this article has been taken from many reliable websites, but circumstances vary and legislation may change – and the author cannot be held responsible for the outcome of any particular case.

MY VICTOR MELDREWISMS - 2009