I have an expression I use, once in a blue moon (whatever that is!) usually after trying to explain the basic principles of advertising to someone who simply cannot grasp them.

"I may as well have been talking ****ing Albanian"

However, it seems that many advertisers themselves may as well be talking Albanian, or indeed any other language except English, as the copy appears to be written to either show off their knowledge of big words or because they honestly believe that the reader will understand what the hell they're on about.

The health and cosmetic industries are littered with this strange language phenomenon...

"Contains Bifidus to enhance your digestive transit"
A yoghurt.

"Contains the vasolilator minoxidil & finasteride"
A hair shampoo.

"A poly-peptide complex within a topical serum"
A skin cream.

Many of the worst examples can be found on web sites...

"Fully integrated communications, strategic monitoring, select media communication channels, stand alone tactical function..."

I trust the writer of this copy understands what this really means, but it's absolutely diddly squat to me!

Equally bizarre is the copy that 'assumes' (see Assumption) that the reader not only understands all the background detail behind a product but is even interested and this type of copy is often written by the advertisers themselves.

The rule is very simple. When writing copy you should think NOT as the advertiser, but as the Target Audience; "What do I want to hear? What don't I want to hear? What do I understand? What will make me buy ? What's the benefit to me? and in simple English, and you rarely achieve that by blinding them with science or drowning them in some unintelligible language.

And yes, that was Albanian. I've absolutely no idea what it means, just like the real copy in this spoof ad above!